Images of guys still draw my attention. I recently typed “man lying in bed” into Adobe iStock to find a blog feature photo, expecting the results to be PG. Suggestive imagery was scattered in the results. I wanted to linger but closed the browser.
I was bummed that I was drawn to the men on the screen but chose to get curious instead of discouraged. Why was staring so appealing? I walked myself through the mindfulness process we practice in my coaching course. It provides greater awareness of the physical sensations, emotions, and thoughts that arise in an instant. Pulling them apart to view them productively empowers me to take intentional action.
When the images popped up, my heart rate quickened and my shoulders tightened. I recognized excitement, anticipation, and fear. The intensity was a nice change of pace from my lonely evening. I also felt sadness and a nostalgic warmth in my chest.
Noting my experience reminded me that my emotions and thoughts are not who I am. I am the one who observes them and gets to decide what intentional thoughts and emotions I want to generate.
When considering my thoughts, I knew my emotional reactions which the thoughts inspired weren’t in response to the images themselves but to the story I was telling myself about them. That story manifested as statements and questions which flashed across the screen of my mind.
I observed my initial thoughts without judging either them or myself.
Some automatic thoughts included:
“These guys are hot.”
“They are warm and inviting.”
“I want their muscles and smooth skin.”
“They want me.”
“If I looked like that, what would I feel?”
“What do the parts of their body I don’t see look like?”
“I miss looking at naked guys.”
“I’m scared I’m going to linger lustfully.”
“This is annoying.”
When I looked at that list, I considered beliefs which may have influenced the thoughts. I recognized my lingering belief that the images had much to offer me, such as comfort, confidence, acceptance, and aliveness.
Then, I took control.
I talked to myself, rather than listened to myself. I chose these thoughts:
“I have better things to do with my time than scroll these images.”
“They don’t have anything to offer me.”
“What my mind and body want me to do is give myself over to the guys on the screen. I belong to God, my wife, and myself.”
“While these guys are mysterious to me, I’m okay with some mystery. I don’t have to let curiosity rule.”
“I don’t mind that I find guys attractive. No big deal. That doesn’t need to get in the way of the life I want to live.”
To help activate and empower those thoughts, I personified my unwanted attraction and was loving towards it, while asserting my will. I said, “Attraction, thank you for your input. I can see you are trying to help me out, showing me a way you believe I can receive comfort and aliveness. You’re right, I do admire guys – their presence, appearance, and confidence. But what you are offering is not good enough for me. I’ve got big dreams and strong values that require different actions. Your voice is loud right now, but it doesn’t mean it is best. I’ll need you to stand down. I care about you, but I need some space.”
Those new thoughts inspired empowering emotions. Instead of excitement and fear, I felt love and peace. My heart rate slowed and my shoulders softened. I breathed deeper.
As a result, I was inspired to write this to share with you, thank God for his many blessings, text my wife, and message friends. When compared to staring at pixels on my computer screen, those actions felt expansive. I was reminded how much I love my life.
Have you felt excitement, anticipation, and fear when presented with an unhealthy choice? Are you able to consider your thoughts and emotions without judging them, empowering you to take intentional action? Take time to get curious. You are wroth it.