A few years ago, I woke up one morning with the following question on my mind: “How can I ensure nothing bad happens today?” It was a question I experienced on repeat, often subtle, but always present. That day it was more pronounced.

I looked at the day ahead and considered the coworkers, friends, and family I would interact with and how my focus on self-protection would hinder my ability to connect, be mindful of their needs, and impact their lives. I wanted more for them and for me. 

I can appreciate where my high value for security came from. I was vulnerable as a kid, confused as a teenager, and stunned by a nervous breakdown prior to college graduation. I doubted that I was okay and that things were going to be okay. 

After college, God did an incredible healing work in my life. He gave me the courage to face abuse, depression, unwanted same-sex attraction, and sin. He blessed me with a family to love and protect. I was steady. Life was good. And I wanted it to stay that way. 

But I also had a responsibility to inspire my family, set an example of courage and responsible risk-taking, and show them what God can do when we get out of His way. I wanted to leave a legacy for them and others. I wanted the next forty years of my life to be jam packed with rich experiences, changed lives, and a gaze that was consistently turned towards Christ’s. 

I knew security needed to be taken down a few rungs from the top of my value ladder. I decided to replace it with values that would give me the life I felt called to. You may make fun of me for what I did next. 

I walked into my favorite coffee shop with a journal and a printed list of values. After ordering my latte, I scanned the list and ranked them 1-10. Am I the only person that does stuff like this? Maybe so. But I’m glad I did. 

Here was the list:

Love

Success 

Freedom

Intimacy

Security 

Adventure

Power

Passion

Comfort

Health

When I read them, security felt dull compared to the rest. Adventure and passion had flashing lights around them and little signs saying “pick me!”

So I did. 

I cleared them with God and considered them daily. 

I began raising my hand to take on new opportunities. I spoke up more often. I saw obstacles as stepping stones to new levels of adventure. And last year, when the idea entered my mind to create content for men experiencing unwanted same-sex attraction, I acted on it rather than dismissing it.  

Since then, God has prompted me to step out more publicly with my story, coach men who are allowing their unwanted attractions or lesser desires to hold them back, and collaborate with other counselors and coaches. I have consistently said yes and I’m having a blast. 

Are there any values that no longer serve you? Consider how you want your life to look in the years to come, take inventory of your values, try on some new ones, and let God take it from there.