I choose to embrace mystery but am careful to lean into the ones that serve me most.
Last summer, I walked toward the pool at the YMCA and came upon the most attractive man I had ever seen. At least I think he was. I’ll never know.
He had just finished his swim and passed by me heading towards the locker room. He had a strong presence.
A younger me might have followed him to discover if his body really did trump every other man’s and to find out how I measured up against his physique. But the wiser me let him pass by and remain a mystery. The questions that came to mind didn’t need to be answered.
As I continued to the pool, I was glad I could appreciate an attractive man without letting the experience take up too much space in my mind. God makes beautiful people. That’s cool. And I get to enjoy a swim on a sunny day like I had planned.
Keeping an open posture allowed the man to come in and out of my life without derailing my afternoon. I could be inspired rather than obsessed. I didn’t need to know how big his legs were, his percentage of body fat, how symmetrical his profile was, or how I compared. He was as he should be and so was I.
Mystery is a part of life. It’s woven into our experiences, our relationships, and our faith. But how we approach it makes all the difference. Some mysteries are traps—they pull us into obsession, comparison, or fear. Others are invitations—they call us to grow, to trust, and to live more fully alive. In this post, I’ll explore both.
Mysteries to Avoid
That experience is an example of a mystery to let lie. There are mysteries that, if we chase them, can lead us away from who we’re meant to be. These are the questions that don’t serve us, the ones that keep us stuck in cycles of doubt or distraction. For example:
- What does that person think of me?
- How do I measure up to someone else?
- What do the parts of that man I can’t see look like?
- What would it be like to live out a fantasy?
- Am I missing out by not being in the gay lifestyle?
These questions might feel compelling at the moment, but they rarely lead to peace. Instead, they pull us into overthinking, shame, compromise, or even self-sabotage. When we try to solve these mysteries, we’re not really seeking truth—we’re seeking validation, control, or escape. And that’s not where freedom lives. It takes courage and commitment to let go of the fear of man and fear of missing out.
Take the guy at the pool, for example. I could have followed him, trying to uncover every detail about him and how I measured up. But what would that have accomplished? It wouldn’t have brought me peace. It would have distracted me from my own life, my own purpose.
Instead, I chose to let that mystery remain unsolved. I acknowledged it, appreciated it, and then let it go. Some mysteries are best left as they are, so we can stay focused on what truly matters.
Mysteries to Lean Into
The mysteries that are worth exploring—the ones that invite us to grow, to connect, and to trust—are the mysteries that align with our values and our faith. Consider these:
- The mystery of God’s love and grace. We’ll never fully understand it, but we can spend our lives exploring it, experiencing it, and sharing it with others.
- The mystery of relationships. Whether it’s with a spouse, a friend, or even ourselves, there’s always more to learn, more to discover, and more ways to grow in love and understanding.
- The mystery of our purpose. We might not always know exactly where God is leading us, but we can trust that He’s guiding us toward something good.
Leaning into these doesn’t mean we’ll always have clear answers. It means we’re willing to live with the questions, to trust the process, and to find joy in the journey.
For me, confident guys were always a mystery. I didn’t know how they were comfortable expressing themselves and moving through life with a sense of certainty. Women were commonplace. I was familiar with them, having a sister and no brothers, and was more comfortable around them.
Part of my journey has been owning my identity as a man and becoming open to seeing women as mysterious. When I met my wife, there was something about her I wanted to know more. I got drawn in to who she was and what it could look like for us to be a couple. After 13 years of marriage, I still want to know her more, the good and the bad.
My wife is someone I get to learn more about every day. I don’t have her all figured out—and that’s a good thing. It keeps me curious, engaged, and committed. The same is true of my faith. I’ll never uncover everything about God or the gospel, but I know that leaning into that mystery has brought me more peace and purpose than I could have imagined.
Living with Mystery
Here’s the thing: living with mystery requires faith. Faith that we don’t need to have all the answers to live a meaningful life. Faith that God is in control, even when we don’t understand His plan. Faith that in Christ we are enough, just as we are, without needing to prove ourselves or answer every question that comes our way.
When we embrace mystery in this way, we free ourselves from the need to control everything. We stop chasing validation or certainty, and we start living with openness, curiosity, and trust.
This doesn’t mean we ignore the hard questions or avoid the challenges in our lives. It means we approach them with a sense of wonder and possibility. Instead of asking, “What if my unwanted attractions never go away?” we can ask, “How is this an opportunity to grow?” Instead of asking, “How do I measure up?” we can ask, “How can I show up more as who God created me to be?”
Practical Steps to Embrace Mystery
So how do we start living this way? How do we embrace mystery without getting lost in it? Here are a few practical steps:
- Practice Letting Go
When you catch yourself obsessing over a question that doesn’t serve you—like what someone thinks of you or what falling into a man’s arms might feel like—pause. Take a deep breath and remind yourself: “I don’t need to have all the answers. God created me on purpose and He loves me as I am. I can seek His direction for my next right action of integrity.”
- Cultivate Curiosity
Lean into the mysteries that inspire you. Ask questions about your faith, your relationships, and your purpose. Be curious about what God is doing in your life and where He might be leading you.
- Live with Intention
Instead of reacting to life, choose to live offensively. Start your day by asking: “What’s one thing I can do today to move closer to the person I want to become and the mission God has for me?”
- Trust the Process
Remember that growth takes time. You don’t have to have it all figured out today. Trust that God is working in your life, even when you can’t see the full picture.
A Challenge
So, here’s my challenge to you: What’s one mystery you can let go of this week? Maybe it’s a fantasy. Maybe it’s the urge to compare yourself to someone else. Whatever it is, let it go. And, what is one mystery you can lean into, that brings you closer to God, to others, and to a future of purpose and possibility?
Because life isn’t about solving every mystery—it’s about living fully in the ones that matter most.
Mystery of the Gospel
Finally, I want to take this opportunity to share plainly the mystery of the gospel.
I believe the Bible is the standard for truth, and it tells us something incredible: that God sent His son, Jesus, to reconcile us to Himself. Our sin created a separation between us and God, but in His love, He sent Jesus to live a perfect life and sacrifice Himself so we could be united with Him again. When we confess Jesus as our Lord and Savior and turn away from our sins, we receive forgiveness, avoid the punishment of sin, and step into eternal life with God. It’s a truth that’s both simple and mysterious—and that’s what makes it so beautiful. If you’ve never placed your trust in Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, I encourage you to reflect on that today. It could be the most important decision of your life.
Also, if you’d like some practical tools to reduce the intensity of unwanted same-sex attractions that can often feel compelling and mysterious, watch the recording of my masterclass about it, at ownyouridentitynow.com/masterclass.