All my life, I’ve admired men who exhibit this quality: a confident sense of purpose.
It was a mystery to me how someone could show up fully present, comfortable in their own skin, clear on who they are, focused on a purpose, and not shy to express it.
I aspired to be steady, certain, and confident. What I knew was doubt, worry, and timidity.
When I looked at men who exhibited the qualities I aspired to, this is what I saw:
The opposite of me.
Their presence reminded me of what I believed I lacked.
I allowed admiration to trigger self-doubt. A disempowering cycle developed: Self-doubt fueled my hunger for approval. This heightened my focus on the men I admired, triggering more self-doubt, on repeat.
I was stuck.
It wasn’t my admiration that was the problem – it was what I allowed the object of my admiration to mean about me. Their steadiness told me I was unsure. Their certainty told me I doubted. Their confidence told me I lacked it.
In time, I learned to let the men I was attracted to remind me of my own strength, certainty, and purpose. When I see a man who appears to have a confident sense of purpose, I now say “I’m like him. And because I am a man of strength and purpose in Christ, I choose to grow.” I let other men be an inspiration to build upon my positive qualities rather than tear myself down.
When you see someone you admire, what do you say to yourself?
If you say, “I don’t measure up. I’m not like them,” try switching it for, “They inspire me to be better. How can I grow?”
Admiration is natural. Make it work for you.