I’m going to unpack the simple, but powerful truth that people are always better off when you’re around. If you believe this deeply, your life will be transformed.
In my life, I’ve held back from fully engaging with other people. Thoughts like these clouded my mind and kept me stuck:
“They are just talking to me to be nice.”
“These guys are waiting for me to sit on the bench so better players can get on the court.”
“If these people knew the depth of my sin and brokenness, they would walk away.”
“I have nothing to offer.”
“They will get bored with me.”
I walked into rooms questioning my value. It affected the way I showed up, how others viewed me, what opportunities I took on, and the depth of connection I made with others. This didn’t serve me or others. So, I made a decision to become certain that in whatever room I walk into, I belong there and others are better off for my presence.
The belief “People are better off when I’m around,” sounds simple but is immensely powerful. Here’s how:
It prompts our mind to gather evidence of its truth.
It trumps limiting beliefs, such as “I have nothing to offer.”
It threatens shame.
It changes our state, causing us to be more open to opportunities, including giving to others.
It shifts our attention to service.
It encourages us to connect with others.
I’ll go into detail on each of those, but first, I want you to take a second to consider how believing this truth deeply could move you towards your goals. Perhaps you want to connect deeply with other guys, date a girl, start a project, or serve at church. As you consider adopting this belief wholeheartedly, imagine the momentum it will generate in your life.
Visualize a scene you would like to enter. Who is there? What are they doing? What do you want to see happen? You walk into a restaurant for a first date, join an accountability group at your church, or go home for the holidays. Now, imagine entering the room with certainty that the people waiting for you will be better off for your presence. How will you show up? What will you feel? What might happen? On the other hand, if you entered the room doubting you belong there, what would your posture be? How might others perceive you? What hurdles would you encounter?
You have two choices: Believe others are always better off for your presence or believe they might be better off. Which belief yields the most fruit?
So, what does this belief do?
It inspires us to gather evidence of its truth.
When we tell our minds that something is true, it may fight against it. If we don’t have a history of believing this truth, our minds will bring forth all the evidence in our past to prove that it is false. But if we continue to insist on the new belief, it will have to get on board. Our mind will start gathering evidence to support it, like building legs under a stool, until the belief begins to feel more true and comes naturally.
It trumps other limiting beliefs.
How can I believe I have nothing to offer if I am certain others are better off when I’m around? The thought “If they only knew” would not come as easily when I pre-decide that I am valuable as I am. Some of my personal favorites, “I am broken, sinful, weak, and boring,” lose power when I don’t question my value.
It threatens shame.
In my life, I have allowed shame to tell me “I’m no good,” “I should hide,” and “I don’t count.” It tells me to either stay in the dark or put on a mask. I’ve entertained shame over my unwanted same-sex attractions, porn use, abuse, and plenty more. I thought I would somehow infect people with my brokenness. That’s not the case.
It changes our state.
When we believe “others are always better off when we are around,” we change our state, causing us to be more open to opportunities and connection. We invite gladness and optimism. From that place, our body anticipates something good to happen. We look others in the eye longer and hold our head higher. We move through the room rather than stand against the wall.
It shifts our attention to what we can give others.
When we program our minds to believe others are better off with us, we will become more aware of the needs of others and how we can make their lives better, even in the smallest way. The more we step into a room with this mindset and a keen eye on service, the more we will get in the habit of it.
It encourages us to connect with others.
To allow others to be better off when we are around, we need to be around them! I am more motivated to reach out when I don’t doubt the benefit of my presence. It may still be scary, but I don’t have to question whether there will be a payoff.
But what if believing others are better off when you’re around doesn’t feel true?
Guys, I know I’m pressing hard on this, but it’s because I know the power of believing it. I want you to be certain that it is always true. Once you decide it is 100% true, you’ll find it’s easier than believing it is mostly true. With any belief, doubt brings stress, no matter the amount, and it keeps us stuck. Let go of doubt.
For me, on a sunny afternoon after a productive day at work, when I’ve had some wins, received encouragement, and felt connected to God, I could come up with a good list of reasons why I make other people’s lives better.
When I have operated on three hours of sleep because of a late night porn episode, missed some deadlines, and envisioned a scowl on God’s face, I might be hard pressed to list reasons why walking into a room full of people with my head up is a beneficial thing to do.
If you’re in a place where you are called to show up in a room and you can’t shake familiar lies, people will still be better off because of your presence. They will be able to:
- Discover more of God, because you are created in His image.
- Practice the fruit of the Spirit.
- Accept you as you are. It will give them permission to do the same for themselves.
- They can get comfortable being uncomfortable.
- And they can grow in vulnerability.
If you need encouragement to get you to a place where you are fully certain that others are better off when you’re around, shoot me an email at hello@jasonmellard.com. I’ll reply with truth and encouragement.
God bless,
Jason