Two years ago, God gave me a picture of the ground beneath me as thick mud. Just a couple inches. Sometimes saturated with water, sucking at my shoes and making that awful slurping sound when lifting them up. Other times it was dry and went unnoticed. It represented a general sense of shame that remained despite years of inner healing work from abuse, same-sex attraction, and pornography.

I believed unconsciously that people would get infected by my brokenness if they came too close, or at a minimum turn away in haste. I was grateful that my intense shame had been reduced to a mild annoyance, but God had more than 99% freedom planned for me. 

In the picture I described, the coolest thing happened: The muck between my feet parted like the Red Sea, leaving me standing on dry rock. God, described in the Psalms as my fortress, deliverer, and rock in whom I take refuge, didn’t want me to settle for a life still impacted by shame. Now, when I show up with others, I picture myself walking on that rock, ready to serve.

Coming into a fallen world, born in sin, we all experience shame. But once we have put our love and trust in Christ, He takes our shame upon Himself. There is no longer a place for it in our lives. 

Brené Brown, a researcher on emotions, defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” She has found that “when our desired identities are threatened by identities we disdain, we experience shame,” and advises us to “picture taking off shame like an out-of-style coat and never pick it back up again.” 

I still have brokenness. It is present, but not potent, like a dead virus circulating in my body. It is not harmful to myself or others. In fact, as Andrew Comiskey encourages in his book, Living Waters, Christians can “lead with our weakness and believe our gaps are His opportunity.” As Christians, we identify not with our inoculated shame or brokenness, but with the work and presence of Christ. 

When shame creeps up, I use it as a trigger to remind myself of God’s love for me. I visualize Jesus standing before the rich young ruler as described in the Gospel of Mark. “Jesus looked at him and loved him.” He knew the young man’s flaws and sins and loved him anyway. He loves us fully and completely. He sees His perfection in us, not the residue of fallen humanity.  

Don’t let same-sex attractions be a cause for shame. View physical feelings or sensations that arise towards other guys as neutral. They are part of your life experience, but separate from who you are.

If you make choices that don’t align with your values, those aren’t reasons for shame either. As believers in Christ, our identity is in Him, not in our sin. Take the productive action of repentance. Don’t sit in shame. Enjoy God’s presence.

I want you to know that when you walk into a room, you belong there. When you show up as your authentic self, people are better for it. When you draw near to God, He draws near to you. Invite Him into your life as it is, not as you feel it should be. His ears are attentive and His arms are open.