Have you ever felt like your SSA experiences were running the show—like they had all the power? I want to talk about something that trips so many of us up: the felt experience of unwanted same-sex attraction—a mix of physical sensations, romantic feelings, and thought patterns. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to let those things define you or control your actions. You can observe them, honor them, and respond intentionally.
The felt experience of SSA can feel overwhelming at times. Maybe it’s a physical sensation that catches you off guard. Maybe it’s a romantic feeling that stirs something in your heart. Or maybe it’s a thought pattern that loops in your mind. These things can feel powerful, but I want you to know they are not you. I consider them as experiences that are just passing through.
Physical Sensations
Sometimes SSA shows up as a physical reaction—maybe a flutter in your chest or a pull of attraction. Instead of panicking or judging yourself, try this: pause and name it. Say, “I’m feeling a sensation in my body.” That’s it. No story, no judgment. Just name it. Then, take a deep breath and let it pass. Remember, sensations are just signals—they don’t define you.
Here’s a quick exercise: close your eyes and scan your body from head to toe. Notice any areas of tension or sensation. Breathe into those areas and imagine releasing the tension as you exhale. This helps you stay grounded and reminds you that you’re in control.
Romantic Feelings
Romantic feelings can feel more complex because they touch the heart. But here’s the truth: feelings are just feelings. They don’t have to dictate your actions. When a romantic feeling arises, ask yourself, “What is this feeling trying to tell me?” Maybe it’s a longing for connection or affirmation. Honor that longing, but don’t let it lead you into actions that don’t align with your values.
Instead of focusing on what you can’t have, focus on what you’re grateful for. For example, if you feel drawn to someone, you can appreciate their qualities without attaching a story to it. Say, “I’m grateful for their kindness or their strength,” and then shift your focus back to your own life.
Thought Patterns
Thoughts can be the trickiest because they loop. But here’s the thing: you are not your thoughts. You are the thinker of your thoughts. When a thought arises, treat it like a cloud in the sky—notice it, name it, and let it drift by.
Here’s a tool: when a thought pops up, label it. Say, “That’s a fear thought,” or “That’s a comparison thought.” By labeling it, you create distance between you and the thought. And with distance comes power.
Here’s where the shift happens. Once you’ve observed what’s coming up, you get to choose how to respond. You can acknowledge the sensation or feeling without judgment. You can honor it as part of your human experience. And then, you can ask yourself: “What response aligns with my values? What action reflects the person I want to be?” This is where your power lies—not in controlling what arises, but in choosing how you respond.
The “Pause, Name, Choose” Framework
Here’s a simple framework to practice: Pause, Name, Choose. Pause to notice what’s happening. Name it—whether it’s a sensation, feeling, or thought. And then, choose your response. For example, if you feel a pull of attraction, you might pause, name it as a sensation, and choose to redirect your focus to something productive.
Visualize Your Highest Self
Close your eyes and imagine your highest self—the version of you who is calm, confident, and aligned with your values. Ask yourself, “How would my highest self respond to this moment?” Then, act from that place. This practice helps you stay grounded and intentional.
So, when SSA sensations, feelings, or thoughts come up in the moment, pause. Take a deep breath. Observe them like you would a passing car. Name them without judgment. And then, choose a response that reflects your highest self. You’re stronger than you think, and every time you practice this, you’re building a foundation of strength and self-trust.
Finally, I want you to know that you aren’t defined by how same-sex attractions shows up in your life, you are defined by the One who calls you His.
You’ve got this! And He’s got you.