Dear Younger Jeff,
Here you are at 11 years old when, for the first time, you are feeling drawn to every part of your friend Mark: his body, personality, mind and soul. You want to be just like Mark. You want him to like you. I get it. You wonder how you will make it through this camping weekend with these strong feelings and confusion.
Yet, you have no idea the things he may be struggling with. Don’t you know him? That his parents are divorced, he’s an only child, and as a member of a small Christian church don’t you think this causes him struggles which he might have no one to share with? He could be hurting just like you.
I want you to remember that God made you exactly as you are and exactly as Mark is. God will put the two of you together again with healthy interactions to show you that what you are really looking for at that moment is to have attention, love, admiration and a bond with another boy that isn’t sexual in nature. A healthy bond that helps you understand your gender role in order to build healthy opposite gender unions.
Don’t get frustrated by the process of same-sex attraction or identification. God made us to have these same gender bonds in order for us to see the differences and complementary nature of the opposite sex. A lack of urges/attractions towards girls like you hear other boys your age talk about doesn’t make you an outsider.
God was watching you and guiding you. He knew that allowing your path to cross with Mark’s that weekend. It was the start of a painful yet powerful step on the journey to become your true self as he designed you to be. Who knows what the future will hold. You may live a life of celibacy or enter a romantic sexually fulfilled life with a woman in marriage. God will guide you and partner with you. It will come. Continue to ask God for His help. You are not alone in this journey.
I am here for you.
With love,
Jeff