The fact that I was created to make a unique mark in the world didn’t feel true.
Between you and me, one of my favorite songs features female vocals by a fox dressed in a green alien costume jumping on a trampoline. There. I said it.
I give the credit to my daughters who played Sing 2 on repeat.
The best part is the lyrics. They align with my desire to live each day to the fullest.
Don’t wanna live as an untold story
Rather go out in a blaze of glory
I wanna taste love and pain
Wanna feel pride and shame
I don’t wanna take my time
Don’t wanna waste one line
I wanna live better days
Never look back and say
It could have been me
I want to leave a legacy. I want to take steps with a confident sense of purpose towards a compelling future, and I want to feel each day along the way.
I used to believe that was a life I wasn’t qualified to live.
If I was truly authentic, people would be worse off because my brokenness would be known. If I loosened my composure, feminine mannerisms may be exposed and I could be judged as gay. If I acted like I had something unique to offer, others might have ready reasons to object.
Most of all, living fully and authentically just felt wrong. When I tried it, my mind and body reminded me with negative thoughts, heavy shoulders, a tight chest and shallow breathing that I was best in a supporting role with easy access to off-stage.
Now, the truth that I have unique purposes and am complete in Christ through his saving work on the cross isn’t just head knowledge. It is integrated into my being.
How did God bring me here?
My journey included a decision, followed by curiosity, vulnerability, and courage.
Before it felt true, I decided to believe that what God said about me was true.
Then, when my thoughts and feelings objected to living in alignment with truth, I got curious as to why. What was I afraid of? What was the lie I was believing? Where had the lie originated? I checked the evidence and most often found it lacking.
I vulnerably shared my insights with trusted friends and mentors. They grieved with me for the boy who was handed the lie “I am an observer,” as he was picked last in PE and sat on the bench. They saw my younger self who struggled against his father’s strength begin to believe, “I don’t have what it takes.” I borrowed their courage and felt their love when they said “me too” and “it’s going to be okay.”
Then, I took more redemptive risks. I let go of my limiting stories of the past and vividly imagined the future I felt God calling me to and allowed myself to feel the emotion of it. I aligned my current actions with the version of myself I envisioned in that future scene. And I realized I was that person all along.
Eventually, as I consistently lived aligned with the truth, my mind and body began getting on board. That has made life easier and allows me to focus my energy on living the life of impact and service God has for me.
And I choose to love it all. The joy, the grief, the shame, the tears, the hope, and the triumph. And I invite you to as well.
As a bonus, I’ll set an example of being courageously authentic by letting you know I don’t just love the lyrics to the song “It Could Have Been Me,” I love the video too. 🙂
Here is the link. Beware of the tap dancing furballs in the background. They are creepy.
A few years ago, I woke up one morning with the following question on my mind: “How can I ensure nothing bad happens today?” It was a question I experienced on repeat, often subtle, but always present. That day it was more pronounced.
I looked at the day ahead and considered the coworkers, friends, and family I would interact with and how my focus on self-protection would hinder my ability to connect, be mindful of their needs, and impact their lives. I wanted more for them and for me.
I can appreciate where my high value for security came from. I was vulnerable as a kid, confused as a teenager, and stunned by a nervous breakdown prior to college graduation. I doubted that I was okay and that things were going to be okay.
After college, God did an incredible healing work in my life. He gave me the courage to face abuse, depression, unwanted same-sex attraction, and sin. He blessed me with a family to love and protect. I was steady. Life was good. And I wanted it to stay that way.
But I also had a responsibility to inspire my family, set an example of courage and responsible risk-taking, and show them what God can do when we get out of His way. I wanted to leave a legacy for them and others. I wanted the next forty years of my life to be jam packed with rich experiences, changed lives, and a gaze that was consistently turned towards Christ’s.
I knew security needed to be taken down a few rungs from the top of my value ladder. I decided to replace it with values that would give me the life I felt called to. You may make fun of me for what I did next.
I walked into my favorite coffee shop with a journal and a printed list of values. After ordering my latte, I scanned the list and ranked them 1-10. Am I the only person that does stuff like this? Maybe so. But I’m glad I did.
Here was the list:
Love
Success
Freedom
Intimacy
Security
Adventure
Power
Passion
Comfort
Health
When I read them, security felt dull compared to the rest. Adventure and passion had flashing lights around them and little signs saying “pick me!”
So I did.
I cleared them with God and considered them daily.
I began raising my hand to take on new opportunities. I spoke up more often. I saw obstacles as stepping stones to new levels of adventure. And last year, when the idea entered my mind to create content for men experiencing unwanted same-sex attraction, I acted on it rather than dismissing it.
Since then, God has prompted me to step out more publicly with my story, coach men who are allowing their unwanted attractions or lesser desires to hold them back, and collaborate with other counselors and coaches. I have consistently said yes and I’m having a blast.
Are there any values that no longer serve you? Consider how you want your life to look in the years to come, take inventory of your values, try on some new ones, and let God take it from there.
We don’t need to wait for us or our circumstances to change before allowing ourselves to feel good, accept ourselves and love life. In fact, waiting for those things is a hindrance to our growth. It has been for me in my journey.
I used to believe feeling good was dependent on outside forces. I remember wanting a guy to befriend me so I could not just be accepted but to feel acceptable. I wanted to be more muscular not just to be physically stronger but to feel like a strong person. I hoped my unwanted same-sex attractions would go away and opposite-sex attractions would grow not just so it might be easier to develop a relationship with a woman but so I could feel capable of one.
It was fine to want friends, a stronger body, and romantic feelings towards women, but often what I wanted more was the feeling I believed those things would give me. Life would be more enjoyable if I felt acceptable, strong, and capable. I would no longer have to feel alone, weak, and unqualified. I would do almost anything to avoid those feelings. I didn’t realize that I could choose to feel empowered whenever I wanted, regardless of external circumstances, my achievements, or whatever my default thoughts and emotions were telling me.
I remember getting invited to dinner with some other freshman guys from my dorm. They joked around as we walked to a popular hangout, and when we entered, they confidently raised their voices to hear each other over the crowd. I was quiet when we were walking and overwhelmed when we got to the packed restaurant. I wanted to feel at ease, confident, and free but I didn’t know how.
So my brain made some suggestions. First, it raised the question, “If these guys feel confident and free and I don’t, what do they have that I don’t possess which allows them to feel that way?” (If you’ve read my previous posts, you’ll spot that as a flawed question). Then, my brain began taking an inventory: The other guys were bigger than me, always had something to say, and didn’t break eye contact when a girl looked their way. They didn’t doubt that they belonged there.
I felt overwhelmed, alone, intimidated, and discouraged. But if developing the qualities they had is what it would take for me to feel confident, worthy, and comfortable, I was all in. The problem is by focusing on that list of perceived shortcomings, I was telling myself that feeling good, accepting myself, and enjoying life in the moment had requirements for entry that I hadn’t met. At the time, I was blind to that being a lie.
I was in the habit of living that way. I collected standards and expectations of myself to achieve in the future so that I could enjoy the present. But I never reached the end of the list. I was constantly raising the bar and adding more items. I wasn’t experiencing life. I was in a holding pattern until I earned the right to live it fully.
When I look back on that restaurant scene, I grieve for the version of me who shortchanged himself the opportunity to enjoy a rich college experience – being a part of a group of new freshmen walking into a popular hangout filled with tons of different people and soaking it in. What could have been an evening of discovery became a place of anxiety that I wanted to escape from until I could return as a more attractive, confident and opposite-sex attracted version of me.
What I realize now is that I don’t have to wait to feel good and enjoy life. Here are a few tools I use when I find myself postponing joy and standing on the sidelines.
Tools to Live Fully Now
Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
We can all feel scared in new situations. We may feel compelled to escape. That’s okay. We don’t have to be without fear or insecurity to enjoy ourselves. We can observe the list our brain may start creating of how we don’t measure up and how we need to change. We can acknowledge our emotions, thoughts, and attractions and choose to look at them productively as they occur or save that processing for later and practice enjoying the present moment regardless. We can be uncomfortable AND choose how we want to feel and how we want to experience the moment.
The same applies to starting the growth journey of navigating unwanted same-sex attractions. It can be scary and uncomfortable to look at a part of your life you may have put effort into avoiding, but the work is worthwhile and rewarding. So, get comfortable being uncomfortable. Be ready to do some deep work, but don’t make the mistake of believing the work is a requirement to feel complete or experience a life of joy. Decide you will be grateful for life as it is, love yourself, and the process, and invite Christ into it.
Give Thanks
We can thank God for the opportunity to walk into something new, take a courageous action, and embrace vulnerability in the moment. Gratitude and fear can’t coexist.
Get Curious and Take Action
We can look at the list of requirements and expectations our mind creates and get curious about what may have inspired them. Then we can honor the healthy things we long for, choose to find evidence of their existence in our lives already, and consider how we might develop them more in God’s timing.
Impact of this Mindset
Now I can walk into an overwhelming situation and simply observe my emotions, thoughts, attractions, and my brains attempt to escape them. And while that is going on, I can also appreciate the new scene, the dynamic people in it, and enjoy the possibility that something really cool could happen when I step into a crowd both scared and brave. And I can love it all.
When I begin coaching someone who feels overwhelmed by same-sex attractions, I invite them to look at their life, the good and the bad, what they are both satisfied with and what they don’t like and decide to love it all. Growth is a never-ending process. If we don’t choose to love ourselves and life at the beginning of our growth journey, we won’t know how to love them once we are further along the path. Also, there is no better motivator than love.
Carl Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” This can apply to accepting our circumstances and progress along our growth journey also. Doing deep personal work from a place of joy, strength, acceptance, and love will propel you further and make the process more enjoyable, even when moving through grief, hurt, and loss.
Embracing this mindset allows me to enjoy the present moment and confidently engage in the hard work of personal growth and change. I know that life doesn’t wait—and neither should we. God has given us His presence to enjoy now, gifts to be shared now, and his gospel to be spread now.
Are you in the habit of waiting until you or circumstances look different before allowing yourself to feel good and love life? If so, continue the work of sanctification and growth, but receive God’s love now, just as you are. Strive towards a better tomorrow, but love God’s gift of today. Get in the habit of it.
Evidence of the Gospel
Finally, when I think of how easy it is to create a list of things to do before we can allow ourselves to embrace life, it reminds me of the power of the gospel. The Bible says that “While we were yet sinners Christ died for us.” He doesn’t give us any prerequisites to meet before coming to Him to invite His fullness of joy and radical love into our life. Let’s follow His example and treat ourselves the same way as we live this beautiful and messy life He allows us to walk.
If you listen to or read my testimony, you will have a picture of the day during my fine arts class freshman year of college when I had the largest sexualized attraction to a guy in my life. I believe my body and mind were telling me that connecting physically with my classmate was the answer to my nagging questions, “Am I okay and will everything be okay?” The problem was, I didn’t want to be sexual with him.
Those strong sensations and emotions were evidence of the sexual attraction and romantic feelings I experienced toward guys. But what evidence was there of the desires I consider to be authentically me?
Last weekend, I rediscovered my portfolio of drawings from architecture school and opened it to share with my kids. I hadn’t looked at it in twenty years and had forgotten it included my final project from that fine arts class. My drawings illustrated scenes I found intriguing and mysterious at the time. I’ve included photos of them below.
A young man and woman walk along a quiet street, hand-in-hand. His steps are confident and sure. He squeezes her hand when they catch a glimpse between the mid-rise buildings of changing lights pulsing to faint music.
She is just stunning. Her flowing dress hangs delicately from her smooth shoulders. She catches his gaze and smiles. She turns her attention to the upcoming scene and this time she is the one to squeeze his hand.
They enjoy a magical night. On the dance floor, her hand rests on his shoulder and his solid grip steadies her waist. He moves toward her. She steps backwards, trusting this man who knows who he is and the life he can offer her.
I wanted to be that man who had a strong frame for a woman to steady herself against. I wanted to walk with a mesmerizing woman, knowing there would always be something more to discover about her.
That was my true desire. My sexualized attachments to guys weren’t something to ignore, but they didn’t deserve to dim or disqualify the beautiful vision I enjoyed bringing to life on paper.
If I could speak to my younger self who had no clue how to move forward with his desires in conflict, I would say, “Love your vision. Don’t hold back from imagining the life you want in vivid detail. Allow yourself that pleasure. Your other desires won’t hurt you. They are present but not powerful. Let them be something you gain strength by learning from. At the same time, move towards the life you want without hesitation. I’m here for you. You’ve got this.”
The psalmist said “For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.”
It is easy for me to agree with that verse intellectually, but it is not always my felt belief. I scroll social media, stare into the refrigerator, ruminate on mistakes, and do plenty of other things that don’t align with my true satisfaction and desire to be in His presence.
I want this to be the reflex of my mind, body, and emotions when a challenge or temptation arises: to reflect on His goodness and reach out for His hand. I want my first impulse to be turning towards His face and stepping into His presence rather than seek flattery from a stranger, images on a screen, or fleeting pleasures.
In a moment of overwhelm, loneliness, or hurt, I can FEEL certain that porn or a sexual encounter is the antidote. At times, my whole being has seemed to say, “Dude, porn is next the right move. What are you waiting for?” But that is not what I want.
I desire a sustained feeling of certainty that God is what is best. I want that truth to be deeply embedded in me. If you ask me if He is best, I hope to blurt out, “Oh man, don’t get me started! The answer is yes, yes, and yes!” I desire that more than anything.
I am convinced that believing in the core of who you are that God is better is key to moving beyond your unwanted attractions and taming your triggers. It has to be more than knowing God is best. It’s a truth that must permeate us.
Here are some strategies that have worked for me to embed that truth:
Observe Yourself
I read the story of the Fall and want to grab Adam and Eve by the shoulders and say, “Are y’all crazy?? Look at this place! You’ll trade it for one apple?” Picturing that scene reinforces to me that God’s presence trumps whatever shiny object catches my attention. It is so obvious when looking in from the outside.
I can take a moment to step out of my scene of struggle and observe it. I can see myself closing up and getting tunnel vision on a single solution. I can have compassion for myself. Then I can wave to get my attention, smile, and motion towards freedom.
Use Pleasure and Pain to Your Advantage
As humans, we are naturally driven to avoid pain and seek pleasure. We draw our hand quickly from a hot stove. We reach for a cold glass of water on a summer day.
But I’ve often gotten pain and pleasure backwards when it comes to my quiet time with God. Time with Him has felt dry while porn has been immersive.
If you are in that place, take time to put the facts on paper. Write out the pain that negative habits and choices have brought you. Write the pleasures God promises us when entering His presence. Compare your lists. Meditate on the truth and ask Him to make it feel more real to you. Review your list when you are presented with a choice and ensure you are assigning pleasure and pain to your options correctly.
Know it’s a Matter of Life and Death
No, someone is not likely to find you lifeless at the keyboard in the morning after a bout with porn. But it is helpful to believe that no life is found through the screen or in the arms of an illicit lover. Not even a little bit of life.
The enemy tells me my negative habits and sinful desires have something to offer me. I believe him and then engage my willpower to push them away. But it’s not the porn or object of my lust I should be fighting. It’s the lie that those things are of benefit that I need to hold up to the truth.
Sin is lifeless. God is life. In His presence is fullness of joy. In Him, our cup overflows. A day in His courts is truly better than a thousand elsewhere.
“Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!” Deuteronomy 30:19
What is Holding You back?
Consider what hindrances you are experiencing to believing God is what is best. In my life, I have believed He was disinterested or disappointed in me. I have allowed shame to hold me back from entering His presence and opening to Him. The solution wasn’t to impress Him or do less things I was ashamed of. My next right step was to rest in Him.
The next time a challenge or disappointment arises and you are presented with the choice between God’s presence and something lesser, choose His courts. Choose His goodness and His face. Choose His mercy and grace. Choose life. Invite Him to be your go-to response.
I believe the greatest driver of unwanted same-sex attractions is a belief and feeling of separateness. In my life, I believed I was separate from other guys and masculinity as a whole. I was often out of touch with my power and purpose. And even while a believer, I have felt separate from God’s favor and protection. But no matter what we feel, Paul’s words to the church in Rome are true: “…nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.”
Jesus’ prayer for us prior to going to the cross gives me confidence to come to Him, even when I feel undeserving. He says:
“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” (John 17:20-23)
Wow! That is incredible. To be united with the God of the universe. Can it be true? How is that possible when I often feel disconnected from people nearby who I can see and touch?
Thankfully, the truth of my unity with Christ is not dependent on my logic or feelings.
Looking back at the times I gazed at men with thoughts of inferiority or lust, I find few occurrences when I stopped to meditate deeply on my unity and completeness in Christ. When I practice that discipline now, my stupor is broken.
Can you imagine what it was like to walk with God in Eden before the Fall? The imagery of it inspires me to experience His presence more fully. The Garden was a place of unity, fellowship, innocence, provision, and life. He wants that for us now as well. Jesus said, “I came that they may have life, and have it abundant.”
Recently, I sought out a quiet place, took a few deep breaths, and allowed a picture of myself in Eden to come to mind:
I greeted the morning in Eden with the anticipation of walking with God. As I strolled along a stream, the grass perfectly cushioned the soles of my feet. I was mesmerized by the shimmering water I could watch all day. God was dazzling me with his beauty. I saw his strength in the tiger reclining on the bank, his joy in the daffodils with petals that glowed around the edges, and his humor in the wry smile of a monkey as it hung upside down from a tree that swelled with pure water. All creation spoke his name clearly.
And then He was beside me. He was so big. I could get lost in Him. His countenance told me he had been looking forward to walking with me as well. He said he had so much to show me. I couldn’t imagine what was next.
My mind was clear. That was the best part. No hidden thoughts or motives. No defenses, fear, or shame. It didn’t occur to me to question God’s love for me. How could I in that place? Everything was perfect and anything was possible.
I want that now. Each day. All day. His love for me is no less real or full as I walk this imperfect world. He has so much to show me, leading me by his hand as I discover it. Talk about an abundant life.
I could choose to turn towards lesser things. But why would I let go of Christ’s hand to reach for them? My attempts to feel a sense of oneness by losing myself in porn, a man’s arms, or the approval of others would fail. If I want true oneness I’ll lose myself in my big God. I’ll keep my palm in his grip and feel the squeeze of his hand telling me he is proud of my better choice. And I know it will make him smile.
He reaches his hand to you as well. I pray you will take it.
Lewis Howes, author and host of The School of Greatness podcast, said “The greatest crime we can commit is going to bed without a dream and getting up without a purpose.”
WHAT PURPOSE ARE YOU LIVING FROM?
If you asked me three years ago what my purpose was, I would say to know God and make Him known, love my wife unconditionally, and instill a love for the gospel in my children. That was my intention. But my thoughts and actions showed otherwise.
The morning alarm triggered my recurring question, “What do I need to do to ensure nothing goes wrong today?” Pretty silly when I stop to think about it. It deactivated my good intentions and reduced my purpose to self-protection.
I would scan the day ahead for potential land mines: a contractor calling with a costly issue, a high-stakes client meeting, or an emotional encounter with a loved one. My concerns filled my vision and my defensive posture closed me off from opportunity.
I argued that once I was safe I could focus on what really mattered. But ensuring self-protection became a habit. Each thought, action, and rumination that aligned with the purpose of safety reinforced it.
DEFINE YOUR PURPOSE
We are hard-wired to live purposefully. Otherwise, as minister and author Hugh Prather put it, we “rumble around… and bounce haphazardly and hopelessly off every change time brings.”
When defining your purpose, clarity is key. Craft your vision so clearly you could tell your friend who could then communicate it to someone else perfectly. When you set a clear intention, your attention and energy follow it.
God directs all believers to many common pursuits but has a unique call for each person as well. Own yours. Like eyeglasses, your unique vision requires a unique prescription. Other people won’t be looking at the world the same way you do. When I decided to pursue a woman to marry, I didn’t expect everyone who knew of my same-sex attractions to understand. They weren’t looking through my lenses.
MAKE YOUR PURPOSE A MUST
You are the WAY you are because of the WHY you are. Minister and writer Alexander Maclaren stated: “Here is the manliness of manhood: That a man has a good reason for what he does and has a will in doing it.”
Knowing God more and making Him known, loving my wife well, and instilling the gospel in my children is what I wanted to do.I actively pursued safety becauseit felt like the thing I must do.
Safety was a prerequisite that never got met. It became my “must,” not love.
How did I change? I made loving a must and safety an unnecessary luxury. I chose to associate an excessive need for it with pain. My energy spent on self-protection instead of acts of love fueled by faith was painful to myself, my family, and the work God wanted to do through me.
SET YOUR GOALS AND BE THE PERSON THAT MEETS THEM
Where do you want to go? What is the specific address? Not just the region, city, or neighborhood. What do you need to put into your GPS to so you don’t go knocking on the wrong door?
Ask yourself these questions:
Who do I want to be?
How do I want to relate to others?
What do I want to create?
Lastly, describe the type of person that achieves those goals and decide you are that person now. Whether you achieve the goal or not, who you will become along the way is often more valuable.
TAKE ACTION
“The real win is in the space between thinking about taking action and taking action. The magic of life lies in the LEAP. That is the catalyst for change, growth, and the platform for finding your purpose.” – Lewis Howes
What is the one step you can take today that will activate more decisions in line with your purpose? Act on that now to own who you are and enjoy the journey to the person you will become.
I want to live full out. That has been my desire and God’s design but often not my experience. When I honor and learn from both my healthy and unhealthy pursuits, I open myself up to experience more of the purpose-filled life God intended for me as His unique creation.
Playing Small
Looking back on my life, I can see Satan was trying to keep me playing small. He knew the potential God gave me for impacting His kingdom and he wasn’t a fan.
I discovered a love for writing as a child but didn’t get past the first few pages of a novel that was sure to be a gripping thriller, because I listened to a voice telling me I should be devoted to God’s work and not to writing fiction. But the voice wasn’t God’s. I have since fanned my passion for the written word and receive joy using it to share His message of transformation.
When I was primed to cross a finish line, I stopped short. I wasn’t someone who wins, wasn’t meant for the spotlight, and shouldn’t outpace runners who may be dejected by not snapping the ribbon themselves. Second place was my sweet spot. When God did call me to be in the spotlight for His glory, I had a steep learning curve.
When I found the courage to speak up, I kept quiet. The world was too crowded with voices and there wasn’t room for mine. Unfortunately, God’s voice spoken through me was muffled.
I avoided sharing the Good News because I was broken and risked losing my lifeline of other’s approval. I now know my brokenness is one of the greatest gifts I can present to others because it is wrapped in the grace of Christ.
My mind was quieter when I played small. The energy required to combat the negative thoughts and beliefs Satan lobbed at me as I wholly pursued a goal wasn’t worth the prize. I did want to be powerful, use my gifts, and live fully, but being a nice guy was easier.
A Rush of Purpose
And then Satan gave me a shortcut to that feeling of purposeful pursuit I longed for.
While in the place of muffled desires, I encountered same-sex attractions and pornography. Those feelings and images were intense. I got hooked. The dopamine rush from fantasizing and viewing porn gave me the physical sensations of focus, clarity, and calm I longed for.
But I had nothing to show for that pursuit.
Rather than shame myself for wasting time and looking to idols, I can appreciate my desire for the good feelings that result from purposeful action.
I can acknowledge my sin and reconnect through joyful confession with my Lord who looks on me with love and invites me to something greater, then talk to myself to redirect my desire toward meaningful pursuits.
Here is what that could look like:
Jason, I noticed you were driven when you were watching porn. You stayed up late and lost sleep pursuing the perfect video. You were able to tune out your fears, anxieties, and negative thoughts. Being in that state felt great, didn’t it?
I want to honor that desire in you to be all-in on something. God wants that for you. Ask Him for it and He will place the perfect pursuit before you. If he doesn’t remove the fear, anxiety, or negative thoughts. it’s because He wants you to hand them to Him each time they arise. You will see His face and He loves that.
If His direction is unclear, take time to uncover the passions inside you, check them against His word and counsel from others, then go for them with everything you’ve got. He will guide you as you go and perfect your course.
Beautiful Surrender
Do this exercise to activate your healthy passion:
Sit comfortably in a quiet place without distraction. Bring to mind a dream you’re drawn to pursue. Vividly imagine it. What are you doing? Who are you with? What is the setting? What are the milestone goals on the road toward success in your endeavor? Visualize yourself achieving each one of them.
How does it feel to go all-on with purpose on a mission bigger than yourself? Take it in. Picture meeting the highest level of achievement. How do you celebrate it? Who are you celebrating with?
Now for the best part. Surrender it to God. Open your hands and submit the pursuit to Him, in all its technicolor imagery. Give Him each goal, each sound, each smile, laugh, and cheer. Offer your hope, courage, talent, and determination. Look into His face, the radiance of love smiling on you. His love is a fire that burns off chaff, hardens steel, and hones your pursuits.
More and Better
Don’t hold back in your surrender. Jesus wants to give you more than you ask. He sees, hears, and knows you. He made you. He is for you.
The story in scripture of a leper bravely approaching Jesus with a desire to be healed illustrates this. Jesus saw his physical pain. He loved him and could have simply spoken healing, but saw beyond the man’s request to his deeper longing for connection.
The leper had knelt in pain, waiting and vulnerable, acutely aware of the stares from the distanced crowd. He watched Jesus step toward his sores and disfiguration and place His palm on his broken body. Everything fell away except the hand of Jesus on him.
The touch of Jesus trumped the leper’s desire for physical healing. He had pursued Jesus and was given a life beyond his imagination. Naturally, he couldn’t help but tell everyone about this man who had touched him.
Practice desiring Jesus above all. Imagine a future glory with Him and believe He has that for you now. You were created with a drive to pursue great things. Embrace it to live fully alive for Him.
