There you are!
There’s a phrase that has lived in my body for as long as I can remember: “There you are.” Before I had language or memory I believe I looked up at my parents exclaiming "There...
Crafting Masculinity: The Power of Creation
When we talk about masculinity, certain qualities tend to get most of the attention: strength, leadership, courage, protection. Those matter. But there’s another quality—one I...
Participate in Masculinity
Here's an idea that’s been growing in me for a while — something I’ve lived and wrestled with, and something I believe can change the way you see yourself as a man. I call it...
Compromise is Exhausting – Live at 100%!
Let me tell you this: living aligned with your values 100% of the time is easier than 99%. That 1% difference is those moments where you’re like, “Well, maybe just this once,”...
What Do You Turn to When You Want to Feel Alive?
What do you turn to when you want to feel alive, strong, Inspired, settled, connected, or safe? For so many of us, it’s easy to reach for something external—porn, social media,...
I Thought I Was Just Lonely. Turns Out, I Was Pissed.
There’s this image of me as a boy that I can’t shake. He’s sitting alone, knees pulled up to his chest, drawing lines in the dirt with a stick. His face is calm, but his chest...
Choose Me
Have you ever had one of those moments where all you wanted was for someone to notice you? To choose you? To say, “You matter. You’re enough. I see you.” I had one of those...
The Struggle to “Just Be” and What My Son Taught Me
In late spring, we had one of those hot, bright Texas days where the sun feels like it’s pressing down. My five-year-old son, Lane, was out on the soccer field, running after the...
My 2 kids and 5 lifeguards did the limbo
And I wasn’t in my head. It was great! Here’s the scene: We were at a pool party at the gym. My wife, who’s a trainer, had brought us along for an event for employees and their...
A Small Victory: Choosing Presence Over Fear
Sometimes, the most profound victories in life aren’t the ones that make headlines or earn applause. They’re the quiet, personal moments when we choose courage over fear,...
Mindfulness During SSA Urges
Have you ever felt like your SSA experiences were running the show—like they had all the power? I want to talk about something that trips so many of us up: the felt experience of...
3 Guys at the Airport: The Stories I Spun
I’ve spent more time in airports this year than I would like. There’s something about airports that makes me really aware of people, time, and myself. Maybe it’s the...
What Takes Courage for You?
In my life, I’ve seen other guys do some pretty incredible things. Start new businesses, grow families, and begin movements with worldwide impact. In the meantime, I was just...
He’s an Attractive Guy. Period.
Have you ever noticed how quickly your mind can turn a simple observation into a full-blown story? You see an attractive guy, and before you know it, your brain is off to the...
Dear Younger Jeff
Dear Younger Jeff, Here you are at 11 years old when, for the first time, you are feeling drawn to every part of your friend Mark: his body, personality, mind and soul. You want...
Be Gentle. Be Sensitive. Be bold.
For too long, the world has told men that gentleness and sensitivity are weaknesses. That to be a “real man,” you have to be tough, stoic, and unyielding. But the truth is:...
A Prayer for Masculine Belonging
In my Own Your Identity coaching course, we identify our longings. While doing this, a participant crafted this prayer to lift to God—a prayer for masculine belonging and gave me...
What are You Staring at?
What brings you to your knees? Is it the weight of your sin—the shame, the regret, the feeling that you’ve fallen too far? Or is it something greater? Could it be the...
Stay Uncomfortable
When my dad entered the gay lifestyle, he felt relief. He didn’t have to live in the tension of same-sex attraction and a traditional lifestyle. He no longer had to worry if...
You’ve Got This
Have you ever noticed how hard you are on yourself? That inner voice can be relentless, can’t it? It tells you you’re not enough, that you’re broken, that you’ll never measure...
It’s just too much.
Fifteen year old Timothy sits on his bed staring at a DM from a guy he doesn’t know. It reads “You’re cute. Can we chat?” Thoughts flood his mind. Yes, I want to chat. I really...
Cycling shorts, a jean jacket, and matching clothes
The Cycling Shorts When I was a kid, my dad loved cycling. He’d suit up in those tight cycling shorts, and one day, he wanted me to wear them too. I didn’t want to—I mean, I was...
Was he the most attractive man ever?
I choose to embrace mystery but am careful to lean into the ones that serve me most. Last summer, I walked toward the pool at the YMCA and came upon the most attractive man I had...
Life With and Without My Dad
I am creating this post to honor my dad, honor me, and honor our story together. I’ll highlight the impact of abuse, the power of forgiveness, and the sovereignty of God. I am...
Why did I want to stare?
Images of guys still draw my attention. I recently typed “man lying in bed” into Adobe iStock to find a blog feature photo, expecting the results to be PG. Suggestive imagery was...
What is your condition?
Ken Williams, co-founder of Changed Movement, said, “You’ll never experience unconditional love until you first share your condition.” Here is what that means to me: When we are...
This guy showed up. So annoying.
My wife and kids were out of the house and I had gone to bed early. It had been a long day. As I laid my head on the pillow an image came to mind. A strong, attractive man, half...
They are Better Off When You’re Around
I’m going to unpack the simple, but powerful truth that people are always better off when you’re around. If you believe this deeply, your life will be transformed. In my life,...
The President landed in a field behind my house
I was ten years old. With the helicopter blades still whirring, the President walked out, hand on his head, to give me the best news. “I’ve come to invite you to join...
It’s just peach fuzz
As a young teenager, I presented my upper lip proudly to my dad. Black hairs had sprouted. “Dad, I’m getting a mustache,” I said. He turned to face me. Without moving closer,...
“You judge me, don’t you?”
This question began a conversation which played on repeat in my head. It started when I walked into the gym, the boardroom, or the sanctuary. I silently asked it of my coach,...
I asked him, “Why do you think I’m gay?”
I was puzzled by his answer. “It’s that jacket you always wear,” my classmate replied. Huh. My jacket. My faux leather jacket I thought made me so cool was apparently a...
Why do I Want to Kiss a Girl Now?
I wanted to desire Christy. She was pretty and kind. We rode horses at her family ranch. Standing alongside a steed, her eyes held my gaze. “Oh crap,” I thought. My mind...
I believe this one is happening FOR me.
I said goodbye to a car I loved last night, standing in the cold as the tow hauled it away. This happened four days after it had finally become drivable again from a previous...
This is what I am most attracted to in men
All my life, I’ve admired men who exhibit this quality: a confident sense of purpose. It was a mystery to me how someone could show up fully present, comfortable in their own...
What if the Truth Doesn’t Feel True?
The fact that I was created to make a unique mark in the world didn’t feel true. Between you and me, one of my favorite songs features female vocals by a fox dressed in a green...
What Can Happen When You Trade Security for Adventure?
A few years ago, I woke up one morning with the following question on my mind: “How can I ensure nothing bad happens today?” It was a question I experienced on repeat, often...
How to Feel Good and Love Life Now
We don’t need to wait for us or our circumstances to change before allowing ourselves to feel good, accept ourselves and love life. In fact, waiting for those things is a...
The Life I Truly Desired
If you listen to or read my testimony, you will have a picture of the day during my fine arts class freshman year of college when I had the largest sexualized attraction to a guy...
Choose Your Beliefs
For many years, my automatic beliefs didn’t serve me. I believed I didn't have what it takes to make it in life, that the world was a scary place, and that others were better off...
Dear Younger Me
I’ve shared before the scene where my dad would pin me down during an activity he called wrestling and urge me to break free. But his grip rendered me powerless to exert force...
Is it Worth Getting Hurt?
I asked a friend recently, “If you are vulnerable with someone and get hurt, is it worth it? Is it possible you could be better off for being vulnerable even though the...
Choose Life
The psalmist said "For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of...
Take Inspiration from Eden
I believe the greatest driver of unwanted same-sex attractions is a belief and feeling of separateness. In my life, I believed I was separate from other guys and masculinity as a...
Deflate Your Attractions
I once believed my unwanted same-sex attractions were bigger than me and my dreams. I’ve learned that’s not the case. It was the fear and shame I allowed myself to experience in...
Is Masculinity Beyond Your Reach?
A belief of separateness from masculinity is a primary driver of same-sex attractions. As a boy, I had an out-of-body experience during a father-son activity meant to bring...
Expand Your Vision of What’s Possible
When I finally decided I was open to the idea of marriage and family, I wondered if it was even possible. I searched for evidence from both my past and present that might give me...
Dear Younger Me – CJ
Dear Younger Me, I wish I could be next to you right now, giving you the attention you deeply desire but haven’t received. But I want you to know that I see you. I am familiar...
Talk to Yourself, Don’t Listen to Yourself
When I was young, the mirror was a comfort to me. My reflection gave me certainty; it told me I was likable and competent. I was touring the architecture building at my future...
Dear Younger Me – Tim
Dear Timmy, I’m so grateful I get to write this letter to you. Let it remind you that things won’t always be as they are. You won’t always feel being picked last for baseball...