Are you feeling stuck by unwanted same-sex attractions?
Take this quiz to see where you are letting them hold you back in 5 key areas.
Your worth is unmatched and your potential is unlimited.
Welcome! I’m Jason Mellard.
I am committed to empowering men who are experiencing unwanted same-sex attraction or negative habits to live the life they truly desire, through the power of Christ and for the glory of God.
I coach men to live beyond their unwanted attractions or habits and into their purpose, so they can own their identity and magnify their impact.
Schedule a free strategy session.
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Recent Posts
It’s just too much.
Fifteen year old Timothy sits on his bed staring at a DM from a guy he doesn’t know. It reads “You’re cute. Can we chat?” Thoughts flood his mind. Yes, I want to chat. I really do. I’m tired of...
Cycling shorts, a jean jacket, and matching clothes
The Cycling Shorts When I was a kid, my dad loved cycling. He’d suit up in those tight cycling shorts, and one day, he wanted me to wear them too. I didn’t want to—I mean, I was a kid, and those...
Was he the most attractive man ever?
I choose to embrace mystery but am careful to lean into the ones that serve me most. Last summer, I walked toward the pool at the YMCA and came upon the most attractive man I had ever seen. At least...
Life With and Without My Dad
I am creating this post to honor my dad, honor me, and honor our story together. I’ll highlight the impact of abuse, the power of forgiveness, and the sovereignty of God. I am glad to invite you...
Why did I want to stare?
Images of guys still draw my attention. I recently typed “man lying in bed” into Adobe iStock to find a blog feature photo, expecting the results to be PG. Suggestive imagery was scattered in the...
What is your condition?
Ken Williams, co-founder of Changed Movement, said, “You’ll never experience unconditional love until you first share your condition.” Here is what that means to me: When we are honest with God...
This guy showed up. So annoying.
My wife and kids were out of the house and I had gone to bed early. It had been a long day. As I laid my head on the pillow an image came to mind. A strong, attractive man, half dressed, was leaning...
They are Better Off When You’re Around
I’m going to unpack the simple, but powerful truth that people are always better off when you’re around. If you believe this deeply, your life will be transformed. In my life, I’ve held back from...
The President landed in a field behind my house
I was ten years old. With the helicopter blades still whirring, the President walked out, hand on his head, to give me the best news. “I’ve come to invite you to join me for an award...
It’s just peach fuzz
As a young teenager, I presented my upper lip proudly to my dad. Black hairs had sprouted. “Dad, I’m getting a mustache,” I said. He turned to face me. Without moving closer, my dad declared,...
“You judge me, don’t you?”
This question began a conversation which played on repeat in my head. It started when I walked into the gym, the boardroom, or the sanctuary. I silently asked it of my coach, boss, and pastor. I...
I asked him, “Why do you think I’m gay?”
I was puzzled by his answer. “It’s that jacket you always wear,” my classmate replied. Huh. My jacket. My faux leather jacket I thought made me so cool was apparently a dead giveaway about my...
Why do I Want to Kiss a Girl Now?
I wanted to desire Christy. She was pretty and kind. We rode horses at her family ranch. Standing alongside a steed, her eyes held my gaze. “Oh crap,” I thought. My mind flashbacked to a high...
I believe this one is happening FOR me.
I said goodbye to a car I loved last night, standing in the cold as the tow hauled it away. This happened four days after it had finally become drivable again from a previous near total loss (which...
This is what I am most attracted to in men
All my life, I’ve admired men who exhibit this quality: a confident sense of purpose. It was a mystery to me how someone could show up fully present, comfortable in their own skin, clear on who...
What if the Truth Doesn’t Feel True?
The fact that I was created to make a unique mark in the world didn’t feel true. Between you and me, one of my favorite songs features female vocals by a fox dressed in a green alien costume jumping...
What Can Happen When You Trade Security for Adventure?
A few years ago, I woke up one morning with the following question on my mind: “How can I ensure nothing bad happens today?” It was a question I experienced on repeat, often subtle, but always...
How to Feel Good and Love Life Now
We don’t need to wait for us or our circumstances to change before allowing ourselves to feel good, accept ourselves and love life. In fact, waiting for those things is a hindrance to our growth. It...
The Life I Truly Desired
If you listen to or read my testimony, you will have a picture of the day during my fine arts class freshman year of college when I had the largest sexualized attraction to a guy in my life. I...
Choose Your Beliefs
For many years, my automatic beliefs didn’t serve me. I believed I didn't have what it takes to make it in life, that the world was a scary place, and that others were better off with me on the...
Dear Younger Me
I’ve shared before the scene where my dad would pin me down during an activity he called wrestling and urge me to break free. But his grip rendered me powerless to exert force against him. I would...
Is it Worth Getting Hurt?
I asked a friend recently, “If you are vulnerable with someone and get hurt, is it worth it? Is it possible you could be better off for being vulnerable even though the outcome wasn’t what...
Choose Life
The psalmist said "For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness." It is easy for me...
Take Inspiration from Eden
I believe the greatest driver of unwanted same-sex attractions is a belief and feeling of separateness. In my life, I believed I was separate from other guys and masculinity as a whole. I was often...
Deflate Your Attractions
I once believed my unwanted same-sex attractions were bigger than me and my dreams. I’ve learned that’s not the case. It was the fear and shame I allowed myself to experience in response to them...
Is Masculinity Beyond Your Reach?
A belief of separateness from masculinity is a primary driver of same-sex attractions. As a boy, I had an out-of-body experience during a father-son activity meant to bring connection. The...
Expand Your Vision of What’s Possible
When I finally decided I was open to the idea of marriage and family, I wondered if it was even possible. I searched for evidence from both my past and present that might give me confidence. I found...
Dear Younger Me – CJ
Dear Younger Me, I wish I could be next to you right now, giving you the attention you deeply desire but haven’t received. But I want you to know that I see you. I am familiar with the long route...
Talk to Yourself, Don’t Listen to Yourself
When I was young, the mirror was a comfort to me. My reflection gave me certainty; it told me I was likable and competent. I was touring the architecture building at my future college. I widened my...
Dear Younger Me – Tim
Dear Timmy, I’m so grateful I get to write this letter to you. Let it remind you that things won’t always be as they are. You won’t always feel being picked last for baseball in PE is the end of...
Rewrite the Story of Your Past
It would be naive and harmful to pretend the abuse of my childhood didn’t happen or that its effects weren’t real. It brought confusion, stunted my growth into manhood, and led me to seek validation...
June Belonged to Me and My Dad
Before the overlay of Pride, June belonged solely to me and my dad. It contains Father’s Day, my birthday, and his. My birthday fell on Father’s Day this year. My wife was out of town but...
Dear Younger Me – Bruce
Dear Younger Me, I want to give you an essential truth. If I had known it at your age, it would have transformed the way I lived. Please receive it and believe it. Your life will not be the same:...
Rewrite Your Rules of Success
I was not the coolest kid. I can prove it. True story: I was on the brink of starting high school after our family moved to the city. I stepped into a church van with guys from my new youth group,...
Make Your Purpose a Must
Lewis Howes, author and host of The School of Greatness podcast, said “The greatest crime we can commit is going to bed without a dream and getting up without a purpose.” WHAT PURPOSE ARE YOU...
Dear Younger Me – Ken
Dear Younger Me, I was asked to write a letter to you, Kenny, and I hope you will hear and receive my words. Kenny, I look back and see how lonely and afraid you were during most of your childhood....
Own Your Identity
What you say after the words “I am” is the most important thing about you. A FRAGILE SHELL My mom has been teaching my daughters how to decorate blown eggs. They put scotch tape over each end,...
Discard Shame
Two years ago, God gave me a picture of the ground beneath me as thick mud. Just a couple inches. Sometimes saturated with water, sucking at my shoes and making that awful slurping sound when...
Fear Magnifies Your Same-Sex Attractions
Fear makes things bigger. It’s the shadow of a bedside toy looming as a monster on the wall. It grows with time, exaggerates risk, fosters isolation, and veils your dreams. Left unchecked, it...
Demystify Your Attractions
Attraction is multifaceted. It comes in all shapes and sizes. By identifying the attractions we feel, we remind ourselves they are simply experiences. They do not define who we are. We can...
My Story
I don’t have what it takes to be a man. That’s what I told myself. I have a vivid memory of my dad and me wrestling. He called it wrestling. I know now it was physical abuse. He would pin me...
Choose Your Frequency
Have negative thoughts snowballed on you? The more attention and influence I give them, the louder and more frequent they become. I get tuned in to them. Here is an analogy I bring to mind when I...
Embrace Pursuit to Live Fully Alive
I want to live full out. That has been my desire and God’s design but often not my experience. When I honor and learn from both my healthy and unhealthy pursuits, I open myself up to experience more...
Leverage Your Same-Sex Attraction for Personal Growth
When I discovered my same-sex attraction, I believed it was the nail in the coffin to achieving the masculinity I had dedicated time to study and model. SSA was a big “F” on my manliness report...
How to Redirect Desire by Owning Your Emotions
In my last blog post, I described a day in which I first felt intense physical desire toward another man. My mind and body felt certain that acting on those desires would provide relief from my...
Harness Mindfulness to Neutralize Same-Sex Attraction
For many years, I was on the defensive against my same-sex attractions and strong emotions. My desire to deny and avoid them kept me from being mindful of my thoughts and feelings surrounding them....
Why Your Same-Sex Attractions are Not a Problem
Problems standing in the way of achieving a goal need a solution. Your same-sex attractions, on the other hand, don’t need to be solved. They are just experiences you are having that can be observed...